I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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