I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
