She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
