I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
