I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
