Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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