I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
