Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need to align my fucking chakras
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
