things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
