Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
