seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
