I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
