The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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