ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I will be naked everywhere
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
