Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
