He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
