I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
