Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
