Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
