I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
