i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
