walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
