I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
