I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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