Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize