She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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