I think my fart just growled at me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i think i just lost a toe
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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