Please don't use social media to get back at me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
