...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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