I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my sisters under your porch take her home
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize