Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
