Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
