Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
