She just used a chaser for red wine.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
