Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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