I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
