she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
