I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
