Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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