Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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