last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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