and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
