Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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