My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
