Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
