my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
