remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
