not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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