You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
