Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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