Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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