he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize