And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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