garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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