I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
