I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
