My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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