I don't usually arrange sex via text message
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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