If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
