Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
