Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
