My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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