The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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