I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
