did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
