No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
