i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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