man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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