My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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