What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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