One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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