You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
