I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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